Written by Ronnie's mummy, Caroline
I always knew from the moment I met my partner Lee that some day we would have a baby. I never felt like this until I met the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. After a long gruelling process of fertility checks , a diagnosis of endometriosis, and being told IVF would be the best course of action, we decided what will be will be. The pain had got so bad I decided that I couldn’t go on like this and to go back on some kind of contraception to see if that would help. I didn’t get to that as February 2022 the dream had come true: we were pregnant, completely surprised and shocked, but truly ecstatic. Our little miracle baby was due in October 2022. I didn’t have a bad pregnancy but a diagnosis of gestational diabetes did come just after 28 weeks and was tricky, but was being managed. Repeatedly we were told Ronnie was a big baby, big head, big tummy but again, no real issues. The antenatal care I received was poor. I had no midwife and no real guidance which was tough. On 16th September, I noticed Ronnie's movements had completely changed and went straight into the maternity DAU where we were put on a monitor - a monitor my partner had to keep holding in place. Due to Ronnie's heart showing some decelerations, we were sent up to the labour ward, checked over by a consultant, and sent on our way. I had an anterior placenta which we were told could be the reason why I couldn’t feel Ronnie's movements. We left trusting what we had been told.
On 23rd September, I had a community midwife appointment. She asked what had happened the week before and her tone completely changed. her words regarding the placenta were ‘they should never have said that to you, thats not right’. She listened for Ronnie's heartbeat but couldn’t find it. At that point she sent us straight to the hospital. Upon arriving at the hospital we were sent straight in for a scan and that’s when those dreaded words were uttered ‘I’m sorry there's no heartbeat’. Our world fell apart in that moment: 35 + 4 days and Ronnie was gone. I crumbled, wretching on the bed - how, why, when? My mind was in over-drive. My daughter stood by my side with tears streaming down her face. A part of me died that day. My boy. My baby I was desperate for, and who was so so loved from the minute he was conceived. I have so many should haves in me. Ronnie could have lived had more been done when we first went in to hospital which is so hard to live with. On Saturday 24th September 2022 at 12:58pm after a very long and difficult C Section, Ronnie was born at 35+5 weeks weighing 4lb 13oz. So perfect: tiny little ears, dark wavy hair and the cutest little fingers. He was the spit of his dad. He should and could have been here. If I had any advice it would be to push for those extra checks, don’t take no for an answer if you feel something isn’t right. Advocate for yourself. Your baby matters and so do you.
